i wish

life didn’t suck sometimes. I wish I had more time to do what I love. I wish so many things. I will forever have the picture of my dad’s body in my brain. His waxy shell left over from 73 years of life. I will forever have the picture of my mom on her knees saying goodbye to him, two little bald heads pressed together, as well. I wish I could draw it, that picture of them. It was so sad, so sweet and so real…the results of a life together…34+ years over in a gasp for one last breath and torrents of tears.

I logged on this morning and read Rosie’s latest blog entry. I have no idea why her words touch me so deeply. She brought her depression into the open along with so many other things. I value, above all else, honesty. I love ‘real’ people…the ones who are open to any question…from children or anyone, who give honest answers, who value those little people so much. I tell my daughters “If you are old enough to ask the question, you are old enough to have the answer.” I believe it with all my heart. I admire anyone who can be their true self in the face of publicity, privacy, life. It’s a gift and a talent and sometimes a survival tool but I love it no matter what it is.

Today is yet another day of cleaning at my mom’s…getting ready for the wake next weekend. My mom’s sister and brother and their families are little worker bees to be sure. The place will be ready for tons of people and there will be a lot of folks there even if my aunt Bonnie did have a total cow yesterday over the date and time and left in a snit. Whatever…this is more important than any plans she may have had and I don’t really care how long she’s had them for either. Who knew my dad would go so fast? Who knew he’d go at all? My mom is a bitch most times but still, she’s lost her husband and is facing her own mortality…cut her some slack for a bit will ya? Onward and upward….Peace.


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