a break

Boy, I needed one. Am doing some memorial picture boards for my dad’s ‘thing’ on Saturday and geez, I just started crying. It’s so ironic that I didn’t even like him you know? He’s still my dad and I guess that’s just going to have be the best answer for now. I keep reading Ro’s blog and I don’t understand just why it touches me so. There is something about her….honesty, I guess. It just reaches down into the places my spirit hides and forces me to peek out into the world again when I just do not want to. So much pain and beauty at the same time. I don’t quite get why some don’t like her and I’ll never understand how people can be so completely hateful and intolerant. Of course, I don’t always understand why some don’t like me either! LOL I have a big mouth and don’t do very well at keeping it closed when something matters to me either. Ah well, it’s the good with the bad right? Mom has a CT scan tomorrow. Chemo next Wednesday…provided the doctor thinks it to be beneficial. My mom told me on Friday that she doesn’t feel like this treatment is working. I didn’t say anything because I know the treatment is meant to be palliative only and it’s not really going to change much. The tumor is going to keep growing and mom is going to get sicker and then she, too, is going to pass away. Will it ever stop hurting do you think? I wish I could take her to Hawaii like she wants before it’s time. How can this be happening? First my dad and soon my mom…I’m almost 40, I didn’t expect it to hurt so damn badly. Peace.

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Looks like you could simply use a hug. No words, nothing more, nothing less….just a hug

    (((((((((((((Traci))))))))))))))

    Reply

  2. This post has been removed by the author.

    Reply

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