broken children

I just read Ro’s blog about Kassandra. It tears my heart out to know there are so many out there like I was. No one ever went to jail for what was done to me as a child. No one will ever go to jail for it. The major perpetrator is dead and has been for almost 16 years and I hate to say it but some days I still hope my grandfather is rotting in hell. For the most part I don’t feel hatred though. I just feel sad…so very, very sad. We are preparing for my dad’s wake tomorrow and during this process I am learning more and more about my family. My mom’s youngest sister is so wacked out it’s not even funny. She will be 56 soon, smokes like a chimney and I expect her to end up with lung cancer, I really do. She could be the poster child for victims of incest, I swear. It breaks my heart that my mom and her siblings have spent their lifetimes so affected by the acts of their father and they will go to their graves with the trauma intact because no one will talk about it. It’s the big secret, the pink elephant in the middle of the room, the ghost that doesn’t exist…the ultimate violation of a child…not just one child…many of them. My dad’s death has affected me so strangely. I just never expected this flood of memories…some good (thank gawd), some not so much. Interesting to be reprocessing all of it in this time of letting go. Interesting indeed. I used to think someday this work would be finished. I know better now. I will never be the mess I was 10 years ago (knock on wood… or something) however I am sure there will always be times when the muck rises to the surface. How can it not? I am blessed to know that it’s not forever though and I can and do and have worked through it all. Yay me. Peace.


2 responses to this post.

  1. i am sorry to hear about your dad…hang in there
    my dad died last year and wrote all of his kids out of his will….


  2. (((((Traci))))One more hug before tomorrow. The psychic was right. You ARE a healer and in that healing you too will be healed.

    May the angels enfold you in their wings lifting you above the noise, confusion, and emotions of the day.



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