My 18 year old daughter is throwing a party. She and her friends have christened it their “Geek Prom” however I can’t think of it without the title of this entry popping into my head! As I write it, I am smiling. Why smiling? My beautiful daughters are everything I wanted to be when I was their age. The oldest and her geek friends are so totally comfortable in their ‘geekness’. It’s amazing to see. They are all so beautiful and they just don’t fit into the ‘popular kid’ mode and they are ok with that. They are musical, comical, hysterical, maniacal and all sorts of other energetic sounding things and I LOVE it!

When I think back to this girls babyhood and early childhood I can’t believe she has turned out this way. She was the baby from hell and the young child from deeper than hell. Violent, difficult, intelligent, sneaky and so much more. She could read by the age of two and I’m not talking “see spot run” either. She was reading the freakin’ newspaper and asking “Aunt Bonnie, what’s Afghanistan?” Amazing and incredible and I had no idea how unusual until I met other people with children and had a couple more of my own as well. This baby of mine is graduating in two months and going off to college with one year of her studies already done. She is going to major in music education and minor in music performance and someday will be teaching her own high school band she hopes.

When I think back to my youth, all I remember is yuck. I knew I was ugly and because I knew it, everyone else knew it too. It’s true what my friend lightfeather said, we do get back what we put out into the universe. I felt ugly and hideous on the inside so of course to my little girl logic it must be true and I was ugly on the outside as well. When I first realized I didn’t have to be ugly I was more than 30 years old. At my 20 year high school reunion one of my friends said “I never thought you were ugly; I always knew you were beautiful.” I can’t begin to say just how much her sweetness and truth have changed me. What a gift. This whole journey is how I became Buttrrflyy. One day I realized that I may have felt ugly for my entire life but I didn’t necessarily feel that all the time now and the image of a butterfly emerging from it’s cocoon came to me. I now have a butterfly tatooed on my ankle to remind me every day of this journey that has been my life until now. When I look at the geek-a-palooza crowd in my family room at this very moment, I don’t see ‘geeks’ at all…I see butterflies. Peace.


2 responses to this post.

  1. Yeah! I see you flitting and flying! A chrysalis! You are beautiful and so are your “band geeks.” I adore the band geeks. My kiddo was part of the band geek crowd for a couple of years when she was part of the flag/dance line. I was very active in the band boosters during that time, making dinners before games, game prep, fundraising(they went all the way to China that year…sheesh, that’s another whole story in itself)Band kids are the best!

    You are putting only light and love out into the universe now! I see it.


  2. This is your indigo girl, right?


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