garage sale crap

So my dad has been gone for three weeks today. My mom’s house is garage sale central. My aunts and uncles have spent the last three weeks cleaning out my dad’s stuff and today it’s all on sale for the world to pick through. To say this is difficult for my mom is an understatement. To say it was tough for me would be the same. I had a “feeling” today that my mom is going to go downhill very soon. It was so real the tears just came flooding out of me. Her memory is not up to snuff, she has been reading things I can’t imagine she would normally read (about dying etc) and it made me decide to brave garage sale hell again tomorrow. I don’t have enough time available to be off but I just know somehow that I have to go there. Her nasty behavior continues but for some reason I simply do not have the heart to leave her alone to do this. I’m grateful to say I am not like her.

Rosie’s blog today was the birth story for her baby Viv. Beautiful. It brought home the miracle of life again. I feel that miracle every day when I look at my now teenage daughters. I can still see them being born as if it were yesterday. I often wonder if my mother can still see my birth. I hope with everything inside me that I will not approach death with her attitude and demeanor. I pray I will be blessed with the grace to remember I am not the only one affected by my behavior.

All in all, today has been extremely difficult and stressful. I am grateful it is done and I can go to bed and rest. My uncle said something so completely profound this evening I am putting it down here so I will never forget. He was looking for some tent poles that we thought perhaps had disappeared into some eager shoppers cart or blown away in the incredible winds. We found them at last and I said “Wow, you didn’t make a very big hoo-ha about that.” He looked at me, smiled with his 60 year old wisdom and said “I’ve learned something in my time here. I’ve learned that when I leave this earth, my passing will make about as much difference as pulling my hand out of a bucket of water. There’s not much in life worth making a big hoo-ha over.” Amazing. Profound. My family isn’t known for being quiet in their frustration and to hear my uncle say he’d learned the lesson was a gift. Much needed. Much appreciated. Peace.

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One response to this post.

  1. ((((((Traci)))))It seems like this journey of yours is so long and so painful. I have never given any real thought to all that “stuff.” The stuff we collect over time that needs to be sorted, distributed, pawed over, sold when we cross over. My mom, who is 75 is a pretty anal kind of gal…she cleans her lightswitch plates with a toothbrush and has been known to wallpaper her closet 🙂 She has been working on all of this sorting, etc. of “stuff” for a while now as she is determined that I would not have to go through so much of that when she transitions.(Mind you right now she is a pretty healthy 75) She talks to me about her daily “plans” on the telephone and I know it sounds bad, but for me it is generally an “eye roller”(you know the looks your girls gave you when they hit 12? along with the hair toss?) After hearing your story, I know its a blessing that she is doing all of that. I will tell her tomorrow morning on our daily 6:15 am chat.Thank you.

    Reply

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