circles and rings

At 5:54 a.m. my phone rang. My aunt said “Traci, he just left.” She was crying. April 14, 2005. 5:50 a.m. My dad left us all for whatever lies beyond this world we know. When I arrived at my parents home 25 minutes later, it was to my mom sobbing and my two aunts doing whatever it is that people do when someone has died. The hospice nurse arrived shortly after I did and several family members were not far behind. We knew the funeral home was coming soon for dad and as we were straightening his blankets and saying our goodbyes, I slipped my dad’s wedding ring off his finger. My mom wanted to wear it but it was too big so we found a chain and put it around her neck.

Tonight as we drove home from seeing some incredible sailing ships, a black pickup with a home made trailer pulling behind it passed us. I thought of my dad because he had one just like it… the trailer, not the pickup. I looked down at my hand and saw my dad’s wedding ring there and a little shiver of sadness ran through me. My mom gave me dad’s ring a couple weeks ago. I am grateful to have it. I don’t yet understand why I’m grateful. My feelings about my dad have been quite a jumble. I wonder if I will ever “get” just why his passing has affected me so. He was not a nice man I’ve written before. Still truth. He was my dad and I guess that’s the thing in a nutshell. More circle of life stuff most likely. His ring symbolizes that to me somehow. Around and around we go and even when our turn ends, someone’s turn is still continuing. How will I be remembered? I pray my children never have reason to wonder “Why does her death affect me so?” Endings, beginnings…wow.

My daughters are amazing. Graduation is three weeks away for daughter number one. Daughter number two had her first driving lesson this evening and scared the pee out of me! Daughter number three is playing video games right now and giggling. Life is good. I am blessed. Peace.


2 responses to this post.

  1. Oh yes, life IS good! The circle continues. It never ends, making it bitter and sweet at the same time. A jumble of emotions. Constant sorting. The balance.

    (((((Traci))))) The wheel of fortune is spinning and you will soon be at the top of the wheel again.


  2. my dad passed away eight years ago and my feelings and thoughts about him are quite jumbled as well. i understand how you feel when you say, the truth in a nutshell is that he was your dad. i too pray that my death never has the affect on anyone that his has had on me.


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