the face of evil, fairy godmothers and cancer

After days of reading about the London bombings and seeing the faces of those being held responsible for the carnage, I am stunned that the face of evil and it’s actions appears so non threatening. I guess on some level I realized that before but it surprised me no less anyway.

I received in the mail yesterday…with no return address…two tickets to a concert that is happening here next weekend. I have my suspicions regarding my fairy godmother but haven’t had a return call from her yet. Odd to be sure but fun all the same.

Today my mom learned she is effectively at the end of options for the treatment of her cancer. The doctor thought she might be a candidate for a study but when she arrived home they called and told her she isn’t. We’re all weeping and I want to sleep now. My mom’s doctor hugged her before leaving the exam room today. She’s never done that before. It was a message for me I think…I don’t know what everyone else thought but I had the feeling it was her way of telling us that it really is over and she is sad. She did tell my mom there were a couple of other things they could try but they don’t tend to work with cancer related to smoking so I don’t know if my mom will do them or not. She may not even remember the discussion tomorrow. Time will tell but with a tumor the size of an orange (a month ago) and 8 more pounds lost, it’s a sad, sad thing. I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again a gazillion times but today it is especially so…I HATE CANCER!



4 responses to this post.

  1. I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better but I know all to well from having gone through this myself that words can not make this any easier. Hang in there Traci.



  2. You know, I am trying so hard to find the good in my own situation. It is so very hard. I know it is there. I really know it is. I know it is all there for you too. Somewhere. Maybe when we least expect it, some kind of cosmic light bulb will go off and wham! There it is…the lesson. In the meantime, the pain, the suffering. Anguish. Worries. Guilt. Perhaps, that IS the lesson…shaking my head and knowing the more I know the less I know.

    I send you warm and gentle hugs. That is all I truly do know.


  3. Traci,
    Thank you for being so supportive
    of Sarah. We all will pray for your
    Mother, and her loved one’s

    We should all as you mentioned
    in your post. “Hate Cancer”.

    We are waiting for the “team of
    doctors, and I am reading out loud
    to Sarah a few of the comments and
    the posts some of you have left us.


  4. Traci, I am so sorry.
    Not only is your Mother going through this you are as well…be gentle and kind to yourself.
    I feel your pain in reading your words.


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