morning again…

I have been sick this week. Yikes. It’s not terrible…a cold from hell is all. I am tired though. It’s only Thursday!

I am going to write about something that makes me nervous. It is this kind of thing that created issues with some people I used to know. That’s all I have to say about that. (good morning Forrest!)

Yesterday as my daughters and I were preparing to go to our bi-weekly Stepping Stones meeting, it was discovered that one of our dogs had lifted his leg on the shower curtain AGAIN! This time it was my husband’s turn to beat the living daylights out of him and toss him outside. I happened to mention to the daughter who was in the bathroom with me that I wanted to keep the shower curtain inside the tub for awhile now in hopes of breaking the cycle that damn dog seems to have started. She stated that she didn’t know I wanted to keep it in and she would do it from now on. At that very moment, the husband came in and overheard part of the conversation…he (in his oh so flippin’ unwise comment mode) says “Have her clean it up, maybe she’ll remember then.” Well, the daughter replies (as only a 13 year old can do) “You don’t have the right to tell me to do that! You don’t even know the whole conversation!” Husband stomps off. (from the kitchen) We hear “I don’t have the right to feed you either!” Grrr…

I hand the car keys to the girlies and tell them to go warm up the car. I say (on my way out the door) “I sure wish you’d learn to handle this stuff in a more adult manner.” He says “I had a vision of *daughter #1* and was instantly pissed.” Ok, I can accept that…even understand that…however, ADULT is the key word in this conversation. We are late so I have to leave.

When we arrive home from our group, husband calls me into the living room and says (as only he can do) “While you were gone, I got sick over the bathroom episode. I was in there throwing up. I cannot do this again and if this is the way it’s going to be, we need to end this right now.” I reply “Ok, you have to do what you have to do.” He looks stunned that I have agreed so rapidly and immediately begins to backpedal. He keeps talking about being supported and how if he really doesn’t have the right to tell the daughters what to do then he’s done. I let him talk and when he’s done I say again “It’s important for you to do what you need to do and take care of yourself.”

My comment is not appreciated at all. He replies with something about expecting me to have something else to say and how he didn’t think I’d just jump on the ending it all bandwagon. What he doesn’t understand yet is that I am so done talking about all this shit. If he wants to leave, I sure as hell am not going to beg him to stay. I alternate between being ok with staying and planning to leave myself. I care about him but am not madly in love with him. He is not my favorite person in the whole world and I have learned in bits and pieces through our relationship alot more about what is important to me. I believe we will eventually end up apart and I’m ok with that. I already did all that emotional, borderline personality garbage in my first marriage and I am totally done with it all. I don’t respond to threats and I am very definite about what I feel is right and wrong. Husband is pretty good at playing both games and he doesn’t understand at all why I don’t want to play.

Fast forward to Daughter #3…in the bathroom again as I’m washing my hands. She says “You and he were arguing over me weren’t you?” I said “There was no argument honey. He felt the need to talk and that’s what it was.” She says “Let me guess, he was comparing it to Daughter #1 right?” (pretty astute for 13 eh?!) I replied “Yes, he was.” (she got teary) I told her that he said if this was going to keep happening then he was going to leave. She immediately took that very personally…poor baby. I reminded her that husband’s choices had absolutely nothing to do with her and it was very important that she remember that. Her comment was “But Mom, I don’t want you to have to go through that again!” (my heart melted) I wanted to make her feel better but obviously some things can’t be made better. I just let her know that if I did “go through that again” it would be alright and I was ready and not the least bit worried about it. I would always do what needed to be done and I would always be there for her and her sisters. I think she felt better but who knows?

Sometimes life is hard eh? I hate it some days. Now I must deliver Daughter #2 to school. Hasta la vista.

Peace.

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7 responses to this post.

  1. oh damn, I am so sorry.
    What a difficult time for all of you.
    The passive agressive bull crap
    just ticks me off.

    He knows what he is doing.
    You were supposed to fall to
    his feet and beg to keep it all going.

    Kids are smart yes !
    She respects the honesty
    you share with her.
    Stand you ground sweetie.

    Reply

  2. I agree with Annie. This was his attempt at manipulating your feelings in an effort to gain some power. Like you were gonna fall to the floor in tears, begging him to stay while telling him it’s ok to treat the girls like crap. It didn’t work, and now he has to rethink the situation.

    Only you know what’s best for you and your kids. But I think you’re unbelievably strong and brave, so no matter what your decision is, you’ll be ok. It might be hard, but you’ll get through it.

    And I’m glad you were honest with the daughter. Kids know more than most of us give them credit for, and they hate to be lied to.

    Reply

  3. My god but you’re an amazing mother! You rock! Not only were you honest with your daughter, but you gave her a prime example of how to handle the passive aggresive bullshit that comes with abusive relationships… Honest… you’re the BEST role model ever!

    Reply

  4. I agree with the poster, it sounds like a game-play.

    ~Deb

    Reply

  5. Oh my! Sometimes life is just crazy and stupid.
    Loving you,
    Lighty

    Reply

  6. Happy Thanksgiving Traci !
    I hope whatever you do, that it is just lovely for you .

    Reply

  7. well this is a little late coming but I am just reading it sooo….
    I just want to say that you have handled this situation will strength and grace. some women will quietly accept the bullshit and damage themselves and their kids. by not caving in to his obviuos attempt at controlling you and getting his way, he is realizing that in order for the relationship to work, it is him that needs to change–not you and the girls. I only hope that he sees the error of his ways and makes things right. no matter what happens, I know you will be ok. hang in there sweetie.
    hugs,
    Karen

    Reply

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