I had a dream with my mother in it this morning. It was the crack of crack as Deb is fond of saying. In this dream were alot of people. We were in a house that a person I used to know named Frani was dancing around in all excited because she’d painted all the walls a color called Kiwi. Use your imagination, it was bright! Oy Vey! There were many people from my life there and in a chair by the dining table sat my mother. It was pandemonium and my mother was spewing not very nice things although truthfully right now I couldn’t tell you what they were. When the brouhaha became too much for me and I tired of trying to make sense of what mom was saying I shook her and said “Enough with this shit, act like the mother you’re supposed to be and tell me what is going on!” She got a very serious look in her eye and said “Big Bonnie died.” and was gone. I woke up immediately because we’ve been waiting for “Big Bonnie” to die for weeks and I was scared. “Big Bonnie” is my aunt Bonnie’s mother in law who is in late stage Alzheimer’s and not expected to last long…although she is a fighter because they’ve said this for weeks now. She’s not gone yet-at least she wasn’t this afternoon when I finally got ahold of my aunt. I’ve been teary all day though because in this dream my mother was so nasty. Amazing eh? Even in death…



5 responses to this post.

  1. Most of us have this image that, once people die and move on, they become all sugar and sweetness. Personally, I think that death is just another transition (cliche, I know but it’s my faith and belief) so people are still themselves. Maybe wiser, maybe more…something. But still themselves.


  2. Don’t let dreams mess with your mind babe. If you do, you will end up somewhere you are trying not to go.

    I had the worst dreams for a year after my mom died, you have to let some of it go, but in time *hugs*


  3. Sometimes a dream really is just a dream. Our minds have ways of doing weird things to us sometimes.


  4. You are still in a very fragile time in your grieving. Dreams have a way of piercing through at night, especially when bereavment is occurring. Feel whatever you feel, cry if you need to cry, sleep if you need to sleep….take care of yourself.



  5. Her choices to be who she was are hers, but they do not define or limit you. Traci, you are gracious and generous and lovely! You are not her, and you are not what she tried/tries to make you think you are, whatever she has said to the contrary. I’m glad you woke up…



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