wow

On Friday I learned I have three half sisters. Yeah, wow…

I’ve always suspected I had siblings somewhere. My family is big on secret keeping. VERY BIG. However, there are whispers here and there at times.

Asking questions straight out is frowned upon. I’ve been given evidence of that again this morning by one of my aunt’s who is now pissed totally because I asked a question…oh, wait, it was worse than that because I asked more than one question and didn’t back down when I was told to do so.

So anyway, where did these sisters come from? Long, weird story to be sure. Let’s begin…(school marm voice…hehehe)

In 1964, my mother was stationed at a military base somewhere in the US. Mom and a friend were standing on a street corner when a convertible with two soldiers in it pulled up to the stop sign. The two women ended up in the car with the guys and so it began.

A month later, for my mom’s 20th birthday, they got married. A month after that Mom was called in to her CO’s office to learn that my father was already married to someone else. A month after that my father was back at his home base on the other side of the country and my mom learned she was pregnant with me.

A marriage annulment and 3 more husbands followed for my mom. By the time she was 26, she married my dad…the man who died last April. I knew nothing of my biological father until I was 15 years old.

I don’t really remember the sequence of events that led to being given what information my mom had about my father. I just remember getting it…and crying…alot. I’d spent my entire life feeling like something about me was terribly wrong. I mean, how could the things that happened to me have happened unless I was a bad person right? This information about my father just re-inforced the idea in my young mind. If he’d left without knowing me, there really was something horrible about me….that kind of thing.

Mom said she attempted to find him for me but I really do question that information now. She probably did try with what little information she had but the avenues open to her were few. I let it slide until I was pregnant with my first child in 1986 and then made an effort on my own through the Red Cross. I had no freaking idea what I was doing and had no success. I made a few more attempts through the years with little success.

When I married my second husband in 2002, he took up the torch so to speak and made some calls. He finally ended up at the National Military Records archive and spoke with someone who told him they had one record of my father and that everything else had been destroyed in the big fire they had years ago. We got the forms required to request this record and then my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer.

The search was put on hold. Upon my mother’s death, it became necessary to request her DD-214’s (military separation papers) and while looking through some information needed to do that, I came upon the form we had received two and a half years before to request my father’s record. I submitted them both at the same time figuring what the hell. I received Mom’s papers within 10 days and didn’t give a thought to anything about my father.

Friday morning while at work, I answered the phone to find a guy named Terry telling me he’d received my request regarding my father’s records and telling me he couldn’t find me anywhere on the list of my father’s dependents and he needed some more information. I gave him what I knew and he said “I have his prison record here from the court martial and I figured it had something to do with that.” During the course of our conversation he informed me that there was a huge file for my father, he had three dependents listed at the time of his retirement and he’d died in December of 1990. He said the dependents were daughters and he would include the list in the batch of papers he would be mailing to me. He confirmed my mother’s maiden name to make sure it was the right file and that I was who I claimed to be etc etc etc.

I was sobbing and shaking and he was so sweet. I told him that everyone was gone and I was alone now for the most part…he was very helpful. It was a hard conversation to have but exciting at the same time. For the first time in my life, I had real information about my biological father and maybe a chance to have some questions answered. Of course maybe not too. Perhaps my half sisters will not want to know me and I accept that. Maybe they’re not very nice people. I can accept that too. It is just the KNOWING that has made a difference to me.

There is much more to this story but I don’t have the patience to sit and write it all today. I’m simply grateful for the knowledge of it all. It’s taken 25 years to get some concrete information and I’m excited to have it. Maybe it will end with a positive meeting or two; maybe it won’t. Either way, I know more now than I did before and that is a blessing.

Peace.

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5 responses to this post.

  1. OMG, I had to re read your post. It stunned me. So glad that piecing all this together can bring you peace. I hope it continues to do so.

    xo,
    Deb

    Reply

  2. Holy crap! Married 4 times by age 26?? Well, I guess the first one didn’t count… but still!! Isn’t it too bad that they felt the need to keep that all so secret? I mean, seriously, think of the stories your mom could have told, and the life lessons she could have taught in the process!! Plus, it would have removed one of the walls that kept you from being closer. Oh Traci, I know that they’re both gone now, and in that way there’s no going back; but I’m awfully glad you get the chance to learn the stories anyway. It’s so much easier to find where you are on a map when you know for certain where you came from. Hugs!!

    Reply

  3. I had no idea you have a history so much like mine.
    This paragraph you wrote:
    “I don’t really remember the sequence of events that led to being given what information my mom had about my father. I just remember getting it…and crying…alot. I’d spent my entire life feeling like something about me was terribly wrong. I mean, how could the things that happened to me have happened unless I was a bad person right? This information about my father just re-inforced the idea in my young mind. If he’d left without knowing me, there really was something horrible about me….that kind of thing.”

    I relate to 100 %
    I felt exactly the same.
    I recently found info about my father too, contacted an Aunt and had no luck finding siblings.

    contact http://www.peoplesite.com/
    to help find your siblings.
    They have retired investigators and people into genealogy that help people like us find their friends or relatives for free. Post a FREE message, do not sign up for the paid service. You will get people who contact you as a team to help you find them. It’s all a bit overwhelming, but worth it all.
    Good luck Traci.

    Reply

  4. Wow is right. What big news. Hugs to you.

    Reply

  5. Posted by Sarah Richards on Thursday, August 20, 2015 at 10:43 am

    Hi. Trying to find the lady whose blog this is. Her biological father is also my father. Please can the lady email me or can someone pass a message to her. Many thanks.

    Reply

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