writing

So many times I’ve come down to my office to write. So many times I’ve sat here in front of my computer and played games instead because the words just wouldn’t come. So many thoughts and feelings and no way to put them to ‘paper’ so to speak.

Today is 9/11. My daughters and I have been talking on and off over the past few days about what we remember from that day five years ago. We were on our way to work and school when we heard that a small plane had hit the WTC. I remember thinking WTF? Was the pilot blind? By the time I’d gotten the girls to school and was on my way to my office, we’d learned that it wasn’t a small plane. I had friends in NYC at that time…and friends across the way in Jersey too. One of them was a firefighter. One of them could see the WTC from her office balcony.

Upon arriving at work, I logged onto my computer and turned on my messenger program. I could still use it at the time. I spent the day talking with my friends across the country and I will never forget when Liz said “OMG! They’re not there anymore and the smoke is horrible!” She was referring to the towers that had collapsed. From her office window when she got to work, she could see the WTC buildings. At the moment of her comment, she had looked out the window and the NY skyline was forever changed.

I remember thinking how weird it was that my brother wasn’t here to talk about this with. He’d passed away 6 months before that day. I remember listening to my favorite radio station much the same as I’m doing today. I remember wondering if my children’s lives would ever be the same. I remember thinking my oldest daughter would forever associate this day with her first week of her first year of high school. I remember being edgy and disconnected and all the symptoms of my PTSD being exaggerated. I remember wondering if anything would ever be ‘normal’ again.

Five years later, I wonder how this war we’re fighting in Iraq has anything to do with the events of that day when our world changed forever. I have strong feelings about the situation our world is in and the world we’re leaving our children. I tend to keep my thoughts to myself honestly because the debate strikes me as pointless. We are where we are and the outcome of world events is not in my hands. I avoid the news as a rule because it’s all so depressing and sometimes it’s just scary.

I work at focusing on the positives with my daughters and myself and sometimes I even accomplish that. I teach them respect, for themselves and others. I talk with them about what I believe is a responsible way for people to behave and how it means something to practice kindness even when angry. I am trying to raise my daughters to believe that what they give is what they will get and that people matter more than things. I want them to know that the only way to change the world is to change the space they inhabit in it.

Today my thoughts are with the families of those who died that fateful day and with the soldiers who are in a foreign land doing their jobs in the name of freedom. I may not agree with the war they’re fighting however I value their sacrifice and their dedication. I am most grateful there are those who are willing to put their lives on the line for the people of this nation we live in. I am grateful for the police officers and fire fighters and rescue personnel who offer themselves to keep us safe as well. My dad was a fire fighter for more than 20 years so I have a special affinity for them!

As we go about our lives today, I hope we all remember that life can change in an instant, that people are more important than things and just how blessed we really are.

Peace.

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6 responses to this post.

  1. Yes, Traci, things can change in an instant, can’t they? Motivation to enjoy what’s right in front of us, right now.

    Reply

  2. I was walking out the door to go to work when the first news bulletin was broadcast. I waited a while to see the rest, and I think I’ll never get over seeing the second plane hit. I was numb and slightly nauseated. Then I went to work (in a residential treatment center for emotionally disturbed children) and all day with issues with staff and the children . . . who were unfortunately watching TV and no one had the sense to turn the damed thing off!!) I remember feeling for days as if I couldn’t breathe normally. I lived as if I were holding my breath. When I think of how I reacted with no one close to me involved, I can’t imagine the trauma to those who were involved somehow or who lived near there. You mentioned the symptoms of PTSD. Oh my god, yes.

    We will recover, but I’m sure it will be many, many years. The attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941 had only begun to fade from the memory of the general public in, oh, perhaps the early 1990s, 50 years after the fact. That means as the people who witnessed or heard about it at the time were beginning to die, and the younger public had only the vague memories of children as they were at the time. I suspect we will live with the dreadful memories of 9.11 until the children who witnessed it begin to “age out” in another 50 or so years.

    Pray for peace.

    Reply

  3. Hi Traci,

    Been worried about you..long time no post…yea.. I remember that day.. we were still in the cult… but we will be forever linked in memory of that day..remember all the frantic emails and phone calls and messages?? We will never forget…

    Just how many Lyns do you know anyway?? Jeez… 😉

    Reply

  4. Lots of Lyn(n)’s at Traci’s place! We like it here, Traci!

    Reply

  5. I remember the “small plane” speculation at first (on Fox News Channel). Two weeks earlier a French stunt paraglider had tangled up on the Statue of Liberty and had to be rescued. I have family in BC and have visited twice. They had more sense than I and emmigrated from UK in the 1960s. cyquick.wordpress.com

    Reply

  6. Posted by lightfeather on Sunday, September 17, 2006 at 8:23 am

    I avoided the news this week. It simply makes me sad for many reasons. Just checking in you friend. Know that you are loved.

    Reply

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