new year’s eve

taken 8/19/2000


This is one of my favorite pictures of my mother. It was taken in August 2000, oddly enough on the same day three years later, we would receive her diagnosis of lung cancer stage 3b. It is so painful to look at this photo and know that her tumor was already present and growing. If we’d only known then…

taken 1/28/2006


This is my mother three days before she died. See how mangled her hands look? Once the cancer took hold, her rheumatoid arthritis went nuts too. I have another photo taken about 12 hours or so before she passed however I can’t bring myself to scan it yet. The difference between that picture and this one boggle my mind.

This year will always be the year I lost my mother.

2006. February. First.

My mother wasn’t the nicest or most pleasant person to be around. She wasn’t the best mother ever. She didn’t protect me when I needed to be protected. I am still very angry with her for lots of reasons. I miss her more than I imagined was possible.

I want my mommy.


p.s. happy new year~may 2007 be good to us all…


7 responses to this post.

  1. Happy New Year, my friend. May your year be filled with love in abundance, joy, peace, good health and great prosperity.


  2. Oh, my. How cancer ravages the body. The three years took a toll on her. And you.

    I hope that 2007 can be a year that has joy and peace for you and your family.



  3. Traci, I know the mixed feelings and longing that come with such a loss. My heart goes out to you, honey. I know.


  4. I understand about the pictures. My husband didn’t look even as good as your mom in the “3 days before” pictures. It is hard to look at it, but I can’t not look at it, either. I’m glad your mom could smile for that picture. My relationship with him was difficult, also, yet I miss him at the holidays and other significant times. They can’t be erased from our lives. Enjoy the good memories. They’ll be stronger with time, and I hope the others will fade. Happy New Year, dear girl.


  5. Posted by The Boston Pobble on Friday, January 5, 2007 at 8:39 am

    Be well, my friend. May 2007 bring you all you deserve.


  6. I’m still so sorry for your loss. You deserved better but I understand that you miss her all the same.



  7. I hope 2007 brings you some peace, you’ve been through so much.


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