“Mom, don’t take this the wrong way but talking to you everyday would drive me insane.”

So said my oldest daughter when I called her to ask if she wanted to talk to me every day. LOL

The conversation started after my husband’s daughter, C, asked me how E was doing a few nights ago and I told her I had no idea but I assumed she was ok since I hadn’t heard from her. She looked at me in disbelief and asked “You don’t talk to her every day?” I looked at her and said “Are you kidding? That would drive her nuts!”

For some reason that chat stuck with me overnight and as I was driving to a lunch date I called my girlie and asked her if she wanted to talk to me every day. First there was dead silence…hehe…then she said “Why are you asking me this?” hehehehe…I told her the story and by the time I was done we were both laughing. She told me “Mom, if I talked to you every day I would feel too dependent on you and I don’t want that.” I thought Bravo Baby! and we said our goodbyes.

I’ve told this story a few times since the weekend and it does get some giggles. Tonight, however, I was discussing it with my therapist and let me tell you…she wasn’t too amused. It was a case of “When are you going to realize and accept that you are a good mother? When are you going to understand that your daughters are the way they are because of the way you raised them? When are you going to give yourself credit for what you’ve accomplished?”

I looked her in the eye and while I was laughing told her she was being a bully. She said “Why do you think that is?” I replied that perhaps she was tired. Good grief!

Why do I struggle so with the idea that I might be a good mother? Why is it when my husband asked me how to make a child independent, I said “I have no idea, I got lucky.”? I feel like I have no place answering questions like those. I mean, who the hell am I? I’m just a chick who decided to do everything exactly the opposite of my mother. If something happened and I didn’t know the answer, I said I didn’t know the answer. If there was anything else that came up I thought “What would my mom do?” and did the opposite. It was a fluke plain and simple. I simply refused to be like my mother. That doesn’t make me an expert. Geez…

My therapist told me that I needed to quit living in the emotional for now and begin living in the land of logic for awhile. Why is it so hard to acknowledge doing anything right?

I’ll be pondering…



4 responses to this post.

  1. Oh, Traci, most of us have been taught that we shouldn’t “boast” about our successes, our strengths. GOOD GRIEF. Think about this … if you have a child that is good at sports, it is OK in our society to brag about that, but if your child is an intellectual whiz, shhhhhhhhhhhhh! Don’t mention that; it’s rude. WHY?

    Then remember that it is an even greater “sin” to recognize good things in ourselves! We should be demure, we should not “flaunt it if we got it.” BULL COOKIES!! We need people who ARE good parents and aren’t afraid to stand up and say, “Look what I did!” and God forbid those people should say, “May I share with you how I succeeded?” THOSE OTHER PARENTS, THE REALLY CRUMMY ONES MIGHT BE OFFENDED!! Or they might learn something. Wow. What a concept.

    Traci, you’ve obviously done a good job. Be proud. Be glad your girls are independent. Be happy that they talk to you when they need to. Gloat because they know when they need to talk with you, when the *just want* to talk with you, and that they don’t hang onto your apron strings, trailing like little leeches!

    You just keep doing what you’re doing! Somethin’s workin’.


  2. Ponder away, dearie. Whatever your formula, and however you achieved it, your girlies are your girlies, and they’re doing well. That’s something to celebrate!


  3. The land of logic can be a nice break when I can manage to get there!

    Love ya, Traci!!


  4. She is a wonderful young girl. You should be verrrrrrrry proud. You made that happen!


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