dumped

I’ve been dumped by my therapist.

Does it get any better than this?

Sometimes life really bites.

************************************edited 7/5/07 10:20 p.m.

I figured I better add something to this entry.

I’ve been weepy off and on since Tuesday night. I feel like screaming. I feel like crying. I feel like I’ve done something wrong. I feel like I’ve been abandoned. I feel so many different things and am so confused by this experience.

My therapist told me she was available if I felt like I needed to talk this through some more with her and I replied that I didn’t know what I could possibly say that would be helpful to me so it didn’t seem like a great idea.

Tonight I’m not sure what I want or need to do. There is so much to say and I simply suck at saying it. I feel like a fuck-up. I thought that therapy was me talking and her listening. I thought it was about listening and helping me figure shit out. She said “You talk and I listen. I’m at a loss for what to do. There’s no give and take here. I think there are feelings here that you aren’t willing to talk about and I think they’ve been here for a long time.” And on we went from there.

I don’t want to have to find a new therapist. What a fucking pain in my ass. And talk about scary. My first therapist literally lost his mind and just didn’t show up one day. That wasn’t good. Now this. I feel like a pariah. If I need to talk about something and my therapist doesn’t want to hear about it, what does that say about me? I’m pretty sure Sarah didn’t understand some of my issues and I can accept that I think. If I were to tell anyone here about the issues she doesn’t have a clue about, I’d not have anyone here I’m thinkin’.

I’m so confused. Confusion is my middle name it feels like. Added to all these feeling swirling around my muddled head, Caitlin’s mommy is needing help and my family is treating her so poorly. I hate them. It’s a heartbreaking enough situation without all the bullshit they’re so good at. I want to stomp my feet and scream at all of them to get the fuck out of the way. That’s so grown up isn’t it?

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.

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20 responses to this post.

  1. I would consider this his/her shortcoming, not yours!

    Reply

  2. Dumped?! Perhaps she’s too close to continue to be therapeutic? I can’t imagine someone who’s been so helpful could just dump you! Gah! But, perhaps she’ll give you a recommendation for someone else? Call me if you want to talk. I’m no therapist, but I love you.

    Reply

  3. OMG. Dumped? WTF?

    The blogosphere loves you. WE LOVE YOU. You know that, right?

    {{{{{{{{Traci}}}}}}}}

    Reply

  4. *sigh* May I take a guess here? You are not “doing traumatized” properly for this woman, right? You know, that’s how it is for survivors sometimes when people don’t really and truly ‘get’ it. Yes, we suffer, but we don’t do it “right”. We want to improve the situation, but we don’t do that “right”, either. There is a better therapist out there for you, Traci.

    Reply

  5. That’s bizarre and unsettling for sure, but just tell yourself you have to be better without him/her. Anybody who would “dump” you could not have been looking out for your best interests, or at least felt that they no longer could. I always think things like these happen for the best, however upsetting it is initially. As Lynn so aptly put it, there IS a better therapist out there for you, Traci. Meantime…. YOU’VE GOT US! And we love ‘ya. And we listen real good.

    Reply

  6. Came by to say Happy Birthday, my twin bookend! I know it’s not a very “happy” period in your life for the moment, and I wish I could do something about it. But, it’s still your birthday, and even if you’re in no mood to celebrate (understandably), I can’t help but be glad you’re here. So I celebrate the day you arrived. And I’m older than you, so I’m the boss. 😉 Hugs to you!

    Reply

  7. I love you, too, Traci. Happy Birthday!!!

    Reply

  8. Well, I’m sorry that these people are behaving so … I guess the word might be abrupt … with you. There is no excuse for blaming it all on you, for chrissake!! No therapist is right for everyone, but the professional thing would be to explain why he/she can’t be effective, and to recommend someone who has expertise in that area. It is rude and unprofessional to desert a client during crisis. Please don’t give up, Traci. I agree that there is someone who will be right for you. Hugs, dear girl.

    Reply

  9. Don’t allow this woman to pin her own shortcomings on you. And please make a positive out of this negative by realizing that this woman isn’t capable of providing what you need, and she admitted it. This gives you the opportunity to find someone who DOES know the best way to provide you with what you need.

    Honestly, I’d find someone who has particular experience with PTSD and maybe even some deprogramming. I’m not saying that the entire religion is a cult, but honestly Traci, so much of what you went through was similar to what people experience in cults…the brainwashing, alienation etc. Those people harmed you on every conceivable level…it will take more than a nice person with a psychology degree to help you work through all of it. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT…NONE OF IT! But it will take someone with more knowledge and experience than your newly ex-therapist has. Be thankful that she finally realized it, only don’t allow her to pass her inadequacy off on you. That makes it easier for HER to deal with the fact that SHE failed.

    xoxox

    Reply

  10. It’s the interloper again…Again, forgive me if I am too interested in a situation that I don’t really know.

    What I do know, being a therapist myself, is that this person has come up against her own stuff and rather than own it and do her own work, she has chosen to blame it on you. It’s called counter-transference. We have a saying in the profession that a therapist cannot take the client any farther than s/he has gone. Sounds like she may have hit her wall. How unfortunate for you though. I am always saddened when I hear these things.

    Please know that this is not about you or your ability to do it ‘right’. It’s about her and her inability to go with you in the manner that you need to go. I am so sorry that this happened to you.

    Don’t give up. Find someone else that can travel with you. You seem sincere in your desire to move ahead in your life so don’t let this person get in the way of that. There are a lot of therapists out there that are in the profession because they need help themselves.

    Reply

  11. Mine shrink is also inadequate and I fired him today.

    Reply

  12. I wrote “mine shrink”. I’m brilliant too, Traci.

    I know how you feel, friend. The reason I fired the shrink with some artfully worded hatemail, is because he abandoned me first by ignoring me when I’m in a mess. This is my reward for trusting. This is why I don’t do it much. I know about the pain and confusion, Traci. Maybe it was easy for him to abandon me because I am too fucked up and no one can help me. Maybe my shit is too bizarre and it scares him — I don’t know. But, you see, the same things are going through my mind that are going through yours. Here’s what I’m telling myself — “I don’t need anyone who finds it so easy to ignore my distress. I deserve better than that. I will treat myself better than that. This is not my failure. It’s his failure and it’s not my job to fix him.” This is what I’m telling myself and I’m trying very hard to believe it. I’m right here with you, honey. Let’s stick together and support each other. At least you are able to write about it on your blog. I have called in sick to mine.

    Reply

  13. Hi, Traci. Just got back tonight. First, happy birthday. I, too, celebrate that you’re here. I’m so sorry for your and your family’s loss. What a precious girl. Like you, I maintain warm relationships with family members’ “exes,” so I understand how that doesn’t always go over well. I’ve probably said my peace about your therapist in a prior comment. I’ll just echo that it’s not about you; it’s about her limitations, at this point. You’re welcome to write me. I’ll write soon. xxx

    Reply

  14. Just a suggestion:

    Should you decide to find another therapist, see if you can’t get one who knows homeopathy. I have high regard for them. (or maybe, for some of them)

    Not a JW stand, as you know. A personal opinion.

    But I’m not sure what you have to lose. You’ve already had two of the regular kind crap out on you.

    And I agree with the rest of your commenters. That therapist doesn’t sound like she was too competent. Still, if she felt the way she did, she probably did you a favor by letting you know (albeit not real professionally). Why blow your money on someone who’s not able to empathize?

    Reply

  15. Posted by mistyws on Tuesday, July 10, 2007 at 9:23 am

    ((((Traci))))) Think of it this way-therapists are human too and some of them are better than others. I imagine even some therapists have their limits on what they can handle or help with..and although it’s hard and it hurts–when looking for another- be up front with them about what happened with this therapist–tell them you want someone who can handle your issues. There will be therapists who will handle them much better than this one. Don’t give up.

    Reply

  16. Posted by Boston Pobble on Tuesday, July 10, 2007 at 5:47 pm

    Dude ~ where’s my comment????? Ages ago I left one. Crap. ANYWAY! The gist of what I had to say has been said. I would add that it is indeed common practice for therapists to speak up if they feel they can no longer help a client. It is better to have them do so than continue to take your money while *knowing* they are being unproductive. Because therapy is about more than just you talking and her listening. It’s about you getting better. Afterall, if it was just talking and listening, all any of us would need would be friends, not therapists. I’m actually glad she was honest with you, as much as it sucks to have to find a new therapist. Now, you can find one who can help you get to the *next* level of healing instead of just staying where you are at this time.

    Some good advice about finding specialists. What you’ve gone through is bigger than most generalists will be able to address ~ as you’re learning.

    Reply

  17. Oh Traci I’m so sorry! Sounds like there’s so much going on in your life. I do think you’re mistaken about the commitment of your friends here though.. honestly I can’t think of anything you could say that would make me stop being your friend.

    HUGS

    Reply

  18. You are supposed to be “dumped” by a therapist who feels it isn’t a good match. Yes, it’s a _good_ thing. That means you find someone who better understands your issues and can help you navigate them, rather than wasting a lot of time, energy and money on someone who cannot. Get out there and find a better one (I recommend a woman, preferably at least a decade older than you).

    The thing that concerns me about the interaction is that she wasn’t able to set up a sense of expectations about the goals of the therapy such that you worked out a plan on how to proceed. There are much better ways to go than simply “the talking cure” of Freud’s day. Get clear in your mind about what you want out of therapy – what are your top goals? What do you want to get explored, resolved, moved through, etc. Things may not go according to plan, of course, but once you have clear in your mind the why of it, it might be easier to see what kind of therapist might better help you with the “how” of it.

    Reply

  19. Posted by scribbleandscribe on Friday, July 13, 2007 at 6:30 am

    WTF? What is her issue?
    Because I believe it is her burn out and has nothing to do with you.
    I’m so sorry Traci.

    Reply

  20. You need to see that the issue here is that you did nothing, NOTHING wrong. I feel that your experiences with therapy has been coincidentally terrible.

    If you want, let me try to help you find someone where you live. Email me/

    Reply

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