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So my daughter is on Spring Break from college this week. She decided she wanted to take a trip to Vegas. Of all the people she knows, she decided she wanted to go to Vegas with her mommy! How weird and cool is that all at the same time? So here we are in freaking Las Vegas. It’s late, I’m tired, I’m worrying…as I am wont to do. What am I worrying about tonight, er, check that, it’s now very early in the morning…? I am worrying about money! Dammit. I’m here in Vegas on my daughter’s dime so that’s not the worry. The worry is money at home. The man of the house calls me and says he got turned down for a loan he applied for because his income to debt ratio is too high. I bet he’s never even heard of that before! We do not share finances. We never have. We never will I’m sure. It’s created ‘issues’ for us, ok, for me, for our entire marriage. But the fact remains, his finances are not my finances. Weird that but there ya go. Before we married, he had a business on the side along with his regular job. Since we married, he’s let that business go. Why you ask? I have no freaking idea. BUT, the kicker comes in that he now blames me for his lack of money. WTF??? I am raising three (ok, now it’s two officially but still) daughters. Alone. On my salary that is half what the man of the house’s is. I always need money. I am getting no child support because the guy who donated the sperm that helped make these 3 children is once again jobless. Do I need money? Hell Yes! My finances suck. I suck at figuring them out. Do I ask him for help? No I do not. Why? Because he is not helpful in this area. It doesn’t qualify as help to tell someone “I can do the math, I assume you can too.” I spend alot of time overdrawn. I’m lucky to have a financial institution that allows that but it’s a spendy proposition. I could use a second job. One problem with this idea is that I have some uh, let’s say ‘health’ issues and leave it at that. I have no problem with working. I am proud that I can do it. I just don’t know what the answers are to my issues right now. So much goes into it and surrounds it and it’s alot of emotional crap too I’m sure. So, I’m putting this out into the universe tonight and simply saying it outloud. I need some financial assistance or a financial windfall or something to help me take care of my girls and my responsibilities. I feel like a failure because I can’t seem to deal with it all. I could blame alot of things or people or whatever but I don’t work that way. I may not be responsible for what happened to me during my childhood and first marriage but I am certainly responsible for what happens to me now. And also to my children. I just don’t know what else to do. I am stumped. And to be truthful, I’m so tired. Tired of worrying alone and figuring and refiguring alone. It’s a lonely thing and I’m tired of being lonely. So, there it is. My most major failing, worry, problem, whatever you wanna call it. Out there for the world to see. Now, I’m going to bed. I am here in Vegas with my daughter and I’m going to try to have some fun. I’m still gobsmacked that my kid wanted to take her first grown up vacation with her mommy and she’s paying for it all too. Holy…

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5 responses to this post.

  1. I love that she invited you!!! Enjoy this precious time with your beautiful girlie!!! As to the finances, with the economy the way it is, everything seems to be getting tighter. Maybe you could refinance the house? That’s usually the least expensive, most advantageous way to borrow more. I don’t know… we’re self-employed so we’re feeling the crunch, too.

    Reply

  2. I’m tellin’ you, adult children are possibly more wonderful than the little ones. I never had much problem with the “empty nest syndrome,” because they were still active in my life, and frankly, more fun than ever!! Enjoy it!!

    On the other thing, have you considered a debt counselor? Some are worthless, but a good one is worth their weight in gold. Check each one in the BBB to see what their reputation is. Good luck, sweetie.

    Reply

  3. Hi, Traci. I got your message at my place. I tried to email you that night and it came back to me. Then I sent you the message below, but that came back, too.
    .
    .
    .
    Hi, Traci.

    I just found my response to your response (from last week) caught in my spam filter. I used the reply button instead of typing in your address and it bounced and went to spam! I just wanted to say thank you for replying to me that night. You really helped me. {{{{{{{{Traci}}}}}}}}

    And I hope you are having a fabulous time in Vegas!

    Lynn
    .
    .
    .
    I’ll be back in a minute with a link that might help you. I have had some recent money problems myself and I had to pay the property taxes today, so I’m kind of depressed. I get child support right now, but it won’t last forever. Hopefully my problems won’t last forever, either. There is no way I could work right now. I worry about my future.

    Reply

  4. Here is a link of interest:
    http://www.tdameritrade.com
    /saveyourself/syo.html

    I love watching Suze Orman on TV. She is fabulous! I used to be very careful and organized with money and had good plans for growth. When the shit hit the fan with me, things started falling apart. I caught the Suze Orman show again last week and it was like finding an old friend. Then I went to Amazon and read some excerpts from some of her newer books. I know a couple who swears by her advice because it helped to bail them out and save their retirement after they lost half of their entire net worth when the dot coms crashed in the 90’s.

    I thought about doing a post about it; about how caring for personal finances is a form of self care. I like the way Suze Orman sees money. She sees it as a living entity; the way some people might see their pets who need love, care and tending. This line of thought does something for me. I like it. Now, as I try to fix things up, I see it as a way of caring for myself. My present self and my future self (and I hope I won’t let me down). Balancing my checkbooks, paying my bills, refraining from unnecessary purchases, saving a little bit… all of that stuff gives me the same feeling that a nice bubble bath might give to someone else. Someone who isn’t me. Does this make sense? I’m trying, in any case. I sure hope I can make things better in this arena. I really need a victory here and I completely understand the feelings you express in this post.

    {{{{{{{{Traci}}}}}}}}

    p.s. (I can barely believe I have these problems. Do you know I used to work handling other people’s money? Shocking. I once drafted a million dollar budget for a condo complex. It was my job. The board approved my budget unanimously with no changes and they were very happy with me. Now I look around, and I have to admit… I feel a little scared. I am now intimidated by the financials.)

    😦

    Reply

  5. This post speaks to me. I too am sitting in your shoes right now and with the economy, the housing situation (of which I am right smack in the middle of), etc. I’m scared shitless. Sleep is a tough thing to get for me these days. I worry worry worry. I have two little, little kids and damnit – we need a house and money to live and I need to feel secure that the sky isn’t falling.

    I have no advice – just tons of support and empathy.

    I’m going to check out the Suze O link but honestly, she tends to make me feel even more stupid and out of control – unless, of course, I’m feeling secure about monsy stuff and right now – I am definitely NOT. *sigh*

    Reply

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